As most Australians are at the moment, I am quite dismayed with our choices this election year.
We get a choice between one guy who was fired and then rehired for the role or we get the unlikeable media and mining super-tyrant appeasing nutcase.
A democracy is based on letting the people choose people they want to lead them, and although we’ve been given that illusion, we really only have a choice of who those in power have decided we can choose from.
A choice between megalomaniac 1 or megalomaniac 2.
But I have a better idea. I believe we can work together and ensure we actually do choose who we think would be awesome for the job of running the country, and not just who would be less shitty at it.
My solution: Hugh Jackman for Prime Minister!
“Oh Daylan, you crazy guy and your wacky ideas” I hear you say.
But bare with me here. It’s more than his awesome good guy appeal and rock hard abs that lead me to this idea. Allow me to present…
My Solid Argument for Why Hugh Jackman Should Lead Our Country
He has a communications degree with a major in journalism from the University of Technology in Sydney. Yep, he’s actually a pretty switched on dude.
While most actors are little more than studio props – and required to do a one film for you, two films for the studio type of deal (and why you see so many manly tough guys churn out crappy RomComs), Hugh has established himself as a quality actor that he can pick and choose his projects. No studio suit or executive can tell him what to do dammit!
He donates to overseas charities including The Global Poverty Project, Aid Still Required, Red Cross, Worldwide Orphans Foundation – so you know he’s gonna have humane ideas regarding asylum seekers and overseas aid. In fact, he actively participates in 18 charitable organisiations! He has a heart made of something better than gold. A heart of adamantium!
Not only is he the highest paid Australian actor, but also one of the top paid actors in the world – so you know his budgets are gonna be good.
He has no Nicolas Cage spending issues or Justin Beiber splurging habits. This is a man who knows how to make and spend money efficiently.
Married to his high school sweetheart and discusses how awesome his kids are in public, yet doesn’t exploit either of them like so many other Hollywood celebrities. Not divorced and never caught up in any scandals – a rare thing for someone who’s had so much success in a place like Hollywood. Legend!
He works in theatre so you know he’s good with the whole gay marriage thing.
Even with all the money and fame thrown at him by the parasitic nature of Hollywood and fame, he’s still an awesome guy. He could very easily turn into an asshole like so many other celebrities but is completely untouched by it’s slimy claws. Seriously! Try finding a single negative thing about him online! It doesn’t exist.
He’d be a hit with the female and male vote
Women want him. Men want to be him (and some men want him too). As a leader of a country this is exactly the role model you want for your children and the face of your country. He has the perfect smile to Ab ratio for maximum political potential.
He has years of experience in front of large crowds and television audience. He could be saying anything and the entire audience smiles along and listens. He’s the perfect person you want front and center talking about what’s best for your country. Even the up-tight NATO suits would hang on his every word.
Imagine: “So you want us to stop famine in Africa. Look at that smile! How can we possibly say no?!”
He’s goddam Wolverine!
Who wouldn’t want the guy who the world knows as the most brutal, ass kicking superhero leading their country? The best thing is, Australia’s got him!
Negotiations with China not going well? Out come the adamantium claws. Negotiations sorted.
Just picture parliamentary question time. Feet up on desk. Leather jacket, cigar smoke. “Your policies suck bub!” – it’d be awesome. Even parliamentary question time would rate through the roof!
As for terrorism and state security, ask yourself what country is gonna mess with you when you have the goddam wolverine as your leader?
Seriously Australia. I think I’m onto something here.